THE HEART OF ADDICTION
CHAPTER 11
The Perishing Mentality
Proverbs 31 is a passage of Scripture familiar to Christians because it is often used to teach the character of a godly wife. What many Christians do not realize is that verses 4 through 7 of that Proverb teach some powerful truths about the purpose and power of alcohol and drugs. Let’s look at this text and see what dwells in the heart of someone who is addicted. Proverbs 31:4-5 states: “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to take strong drink, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.” These two verses are straightforward warnings to those in leadership positions, such as rulers and kings, to abstain from taking even the first drink of strong, intoxicating substances. The reason is clearly stated that drinking alcohol makes one “forget” to do what is right. Does the law change? No. What changes? The leader changes as he becomes someone who is not thinking of others but is primarily concerned with pleasing himself. The leader’s judgment becomes cloudy and he is not concerned with doing what is right in the sight of God as evidenced by the statement that he “perverts the rights of all the afflicted.” He ceases to be a loving servant of God and of the people he oversees. Now, apply this biblical principle of abstaining from alcohol and drugs to your situation: When you drink alcohol, do you make decisions that are righteous or self-righteous? When you drink alcohol, do you think of those you have been given the responsibility to oversee? For example, the husband who goes to the bar after work on Friday nights has been given the responsibility to love his wife in a sacrificial and giving way. If she is waiting for him at home, wondering where he is, and worried about whether or not he is safe, is he being a responsible, loving husband? No, this husband is being unloving, self-centered, and neglectful of his responsibility to love his wife. He has conveniently “forgotten,” as the proverb says, what is right and is doing what he wants to do with no regard for his wife. Drinking excessively and drugging are selfish behaviors regardless of how they are explained, rationalized, or justified. People drink together at parties, houses, and bars but they are not having self-less fellowship. They may be laughing, talking, and dancing but everyone at that function is primarily consumed with pleasing him or herself. After a few hours of prolonged drinking, people at the party “forget” what is right and “forget” to consider the needs of others. This passage of Scripture is talking to rulers and kings, but as you can see it can be applied to any leadership position – husbands, fathers, mothers, employers, elders, deacons, presidents, and pastors. Perishing Mentality of Despair and Hopelessness God plainly states the medicinal and primary purpose of alcohol and drugs in Proverbs 31:6-7: “Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.” God is referring to both alcohol and mood-altering drugs by using the phrase, “strong drink.” The person referred to in this proverb is “perishing.” In other words, he or she is failing in health so badly and experiencing the “bitter distress” of suffering since death seems imminent. In this circumstance, the Bible says it is appropriate for this person to ingest “strong drink.” Why? To forget his poverty and to remember his misery no more is the biblical reason. The intoxicating substance can be a beneficial medicine to the physically “perishing” person by providing much needed pain relief. Drugs and alcohol are designed by God for this purpose alone – to be a blessing to those truly perishing in their physical bodies! Proverbs 31:6-7 teaches that a central heart problem for the substance abuser is that he often has a “perishing” mentality. The common worldly label for this mentality is “stinking thinking.” Although he may not be physically dying, the addict who continues to be enslaved to his abuse of a substance believes the lie that he is “perishing.” He tells himself such things as the following: •My life is a waste. •No one loves me. •Life has been unfair to me. •God has been unfair to me. •My family would be better off if I were dead. •I would be better off dead. These are grave and serious lies as they demonstrate the suicidal and despairing thoughts the addict believes in his heart. In reality, he is perishing - mentally and spiritually. The addict believes his life is a waste and he has been ‘dealt a bad hand’ in the card game of life.94 He is discontent. He is pessimistic because he chooses to focus upon the problems that have occurred in his life rather than the blessings. He sees the glass as half-empty rather than half-full; therefore, out of his pessimism, he is “perishing” in the thoughts of his mind. His mentality is like that of a non-Christian who has no eternal hope and is resting on his deathbed. His bitterness and emotional pain is very real, but it is rooted in this “perishing” mentality that must be put-off and eliminated from his life. He continues to live for himself but is never completely satisfied so he despairs. The substance abuser is suffering in the sheer agony of the circumstances of his life. He wants pain relief from his terminal “cancer of the soul,” and he knows that alcohol and drugs temporarily relieve the emotional pain just as they do for a true cancer patient. However, the emotional pain may go away for awhile, but the circumstances remain the same and often worsen. Just as the cancer is not cured by the pain medications given to the cancer patient, the serious, spiritual (or heart) problem of the substance abuser is not cured by the drug of his or her choice. Self-Pity = Pride Self-pity is at the root of this “perishing” mentality for the substance abuser. Self-pity is the energy force that fuels the engine of this defeatist mentality. Many people do not understand that self-pity is really a manifestation of pride. It is not the typical form that pride takes. You may think of a prideful person as someone who is bold, loud, confident, arrogant, and cocky. However, self-pity is the prideful idea that “I am not getting what I deserve; I deserve better.” Pride drives a person full of self-pity because the person is overly focused upon self and has unrealistic expectations of how life should be treating him. The person full of self-pity thinks he knows better than God what he needs. He thinks God is not giving him what he deserves so he is discontent. He is overly absorbed with himself. Who is truly sovereign in a mindset like this? The sovereignty of God means that no person or thing is bigger and more powerful than God. God is at the top of the list. The Christian substance abuser’s “perishing” mentality fueled by prideful, self-righteous, and self-pitying thoughts leads to destruction. The addict begins to act, think, and talk as if he is God. The addict who thinks like this is his own god. This is the definition and epitome of idolatry! The Connection of Thoughts, Emotions, and Actions There is a strong, cyclical relationship between thoughts, emotions, and actions. Thoughts produce emotions which produce actions which produce more thoughts and emotions. It is not the other way around. You are not designed to feel emotions apart from your thinking! God created you to think first, and then to feel emotions. The system of beliefs in this country is so feelings-oriented that we tend to focus on feelings before focusing upon thoughts. This is backwards. Feelings are important, but they are not primary. Thoughts are primary since they produce feelings and emotions! Both your thoughts and emotions are internal processes in your spiritual heart. From your thinking and emotion, you act. If you act rightly, then your thoughts and emotions will be positive. For example, if you help someone by raking leaves for them, then your righteous actions will produce in you the right thoughts and emotions of joy and happiness. On the other hand, if you hurt someone by driving drunk and causing an accident, then your unrighteous actions will produce in you the unrighteous thoughts and emotions of guilt and sorrow. The cyclical process again is: the thoughts and emotions of your heart lead to your actions, which produce more thoughts and emotions. You can see how critical your mind is to the battle of addiction. Your mind is where it all begins, and that is why it is crucial that your mind be transformed by God’s truth. You must begin to think like God - meaning you must live your life under the principles found in the Holy Scriptures. Then you will experience godly feelings and exhibit godly actions, all as a result of thinking biblically.95 The Christian addict’s objective is to put-off his perishing thinking and to replace it with God’s joyful thinking. God’s way of thinking is found in biblical principles. When you begin with God’s way of thinking, it leads you to have godly emotions and actions. Therefore, the following diagram is the biblical one that is desired by all Christians: God Examines the Heart God determines what is sinful and communicates it to us in His Word. He has always levied judgments based upon heart motives, and we can see this in the extensive detailed laws given to Moses. Just look at the different consequences for murders described under various circumstances in the book of Numbers (footnote 95). Jesus, however, dramatically illustrates the holiness of heart that God requires in Matthew 5: You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. In this passage of Scripture, Jesus is teaching that sinful anger may manifest in a variety of ways but he names four of them as: •Murder •Anger in one’s heart toward his brother •Insulting words •Speaking an angry curse like, ‘You fool!’ Each of these manifestations of sinful anger has different consequences. From God’s perspective, all of these manifestations of sin are equally wrong. Sin is sin is sin. Jesus tells us, however, that different sins have different earthly consequences. Obviously, murder is an extreme example and there are extreme consequences such as receiving the death penalty for murder. However, no one on earth may ever know that you committed murder in your heart when you wished that someone who hurt you would die. But God knows. The point is that God examines the motives of mankind. The descriptions of what is sinful and what is not sinful are only found in the pages of the Bible. Hebrews 4:12 states: Indeed, the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing until it divides soul from spirit, joints from marrow; it is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. You may have heard the phrase: “You only have one thing to change: everything.” Well, the Bible says that two things must change: your thoughts and your behaviors.96 You first need to change your thoughts because your behaviors will follow your thoughts. For this reason, you must begin to think like God and as a result, act in an obedient way that pleases Him. Suppose it is time for the annual Christmas party at your job and you know that alcohol is always consumed. If you wisely decide not to attend the party this year because it is too great a temptation for you, God will be pleased with you although your co-workers may view you as a “party-pooper” or “Grinch.” If your heart’s desire is to avoid the temptation, it should not matter what people think of you. You are trying to please God first and foremost. As you grow in Christ, you may be able to attend the party in a few years, but that is not a decision you have to make right now. Escape: “Emotional Pain Relief” Avoiding pain at all costs is called the “escape” of “emotional pain relief.” Escaping to a pleasurable activity comes in many forms: alcohol, drugs, food, sex, sleep, work, vacations, shopping, television, video games, books, magazines, internet chat rooms, and sports, just to name a few! Are these things bad? No, of course, all of these things are not intrinsically bad. Again, you must analyze your heart’s motivation for why you want to escape. Do you desire to escape from perishing thoughts and feelings of despair about your life’s circumstances rather than facing them biblically? What else is motivating your strong desire for escape? The United States of America encourages a culture of escape. Because of large amounts of wealth Americans can afford to enjoy many different forms of escape and entertainment. Often, I hear Christians tell me, “You need a vacation,” meaning that I need an escape from the rigors of everyday life. The only needs people have are food, water, clothing, and shelter. A vacation is not a need but a desire. What people are saying is that it is permissible to escape from the problems of life because as this thinking goes, ‘everyone deserves a break from reality’. An “escape” to a pleasurable activity is not a new concept as you can read in Genesis 9 (Noah), and 19 (Lot). The desire to “escape” from this sinful, fallen world has existed for thousands of years. In biblical days, the author of Psalm 55 desired an “escape,” too. Psalm 55:6-7 states: “And I say, ‘Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness.’” The substance abuser uses drugs and alcohol to “escape” far away from the pressures and realities of this fallen world and to “escape” to a temporary pleasure. What Did Jesus Do? Jesus escaped from this fallen world at times, too, but we know that Jesus was without sin so He did it righteously. Christians should model Jesus when they desire to “escape.” Jesus did “escape” from the pressures of the multitudes that followed Him and from His disciples who followed Him as well.97 The purpose of Jesus’ “escape” from people is given in Scripture, namely that Jesus wanted to be with His Heavenly Father. Jesus turned to no other “escape” than spending time with His Father in heaven! Jesus did not have things that Americans value such as video games, televisions, or favorite clothing stores to turn to for an “escape.” Do you really think Jesus would have done these things for hours and hours just to “escape” from the trials of His life on earth? No. Jesus’ “escape” is the only acceptable one to God, and that is spending time in intimate fellowship with God. You can turn to God, too, because you want to cultivate your relationship with Him and because He can solve your problems according to His Will. Again, it is a matter of your heart. It is not a sin to go shopping. However, it may be a sin if your shopping is motivated by feelings of hurt, anger, or bitterness in an attempt to feel better by “escaping” from the hurt. Instead, you must put off all means of “escape” and make them secondary to the “putting on” of spending time with your Sovereign Creator. Pray and talk to the Lord. Then read the Bible so you can learn and hear what God has to say to you. You will find that God’s Word offers encouragement, proper perspective, hope, and joy for the Christian. We live in a fallen world where everyone sins by being selfish. Everyone has to deal with wanting to escape from painful circumstances or emotions caused by the hurt and rejection of a loved one. The pain of life is no different for the Christian, but what is different is the severity of your emotional pain. Perhaps you feel the hurt of rejection very deeply because of your tremendous sensitivity and tender-heart towards people. If you feel emotions at an extreme measure from a perceived rejection, it is essential that you learn to overcome these emotions by making cognitive choices that please God. In other words, you cannot be ruled by your emotions; rather, you must learn to rule your emotions. During the active physical addiction, you habitually learned to respond to pain by doing things that are pleasurable and give you a short period of escape from the painful rigors of life. What you did not expect is that these pleasurable things would eventually rule you and you would cease to have control over your drug of choice. I Corinthians 6:12 puts it this way: “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything.” Physical addiction enslaves the addict as he becomes ruled by his desire for the drug of choice due to the physiological cravings along with the habituated patterns of thinking and acting. Escape to the Word of God! Here is an illustration about the power of “putting off” and “putting on” in terms of thinking and acting. A man who smoked cigarettes for thirty years wanted to quit. Every time he tried to quit, he failed. He asked his counselor how he could ever overcome his addiction to cigarettes. Instead of recommending that he begin chewing nicotine gum or wear a nicotine patch, the counselor asked him, “Where do you keep your pack of cigarettes?” Puzzled, he responded, “In my front shirt pocket on the left-hand side.” The counselor handed him a pocket-sized Bible and said, “Replace your cigarettes with this small Bible since they are about the same size.” He agreed and went to work the next day. At break time, he walked outside to smoke, reached into his front shirt pocket, and to his surprise (temporarily) pulled out the pocket-sized Bible. He began reading, got immersed in a passage of Scripture, forgot about his craving, did not smoke a cigarette, and went back inside when the whistle blew. He did this for the next forty days (and even longer) and quit smoking. Not only did he quit smoking, but more significantly he began a new habit of reading his Bible. This man read the Bible to “escape” from the rigors and pain of everyday frustrations and problems. He avoided the pain just as he had always done before with a cigarette, but now he was addicted to the Bible which had become pleasurable for him! The heart of his addictive problem was to experience some temporary pleasure to momentarily escape from the emotional agonies of life. Now, instead of having to deal with the terrible side effects from smoking cigarettes, he was addicted to doing something that had benefit both in his present life and also in the eternal life to come. I Timothy 4:7-8 states it in this manner: Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. Genesis 25:29-34 records an interesting exchange between Jacob and Esau that can be applied to addiction: Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was exhausted. And Esau said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stew, for I am exhausted!” (Therefore his name was called Edom.) Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright now.” Esau said, “I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?” Jacob said, “Swear to me now.” So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright. There is much to learn from this passage of Scripture, but what is significant for now is that Esau sold his birthright, or his future blessing to which he was entitled, for a temporary pleasure to satisfy a temporary, natural appetite. Does this sound like substance abuse? Yes, it is the fulfillment of a “right now” desire rather than the denial of that pleasure in obedience to God and the promise of future blessing. Do not deceive yourself; living to please self is short-sighted, temporarily pleasurable, and empty. Living selfishly lacks purpose and fulfillment because God has designed everyone to be dependent upon Him and others. Who wants to live for a selfish sinner, even if it is yourself? You will continually hunger for more because God created us with appetites that can never be completely satisfied on earth. The addict needs to satisfy himself by continually living for the Lord Jesus Christ. The “perishing” mentality must be replaced by a proper attitude of a “joyful” mentality that is described in more detail later in the book.
Prayer of Heart Change and Application:
Dear Heavenly Father, I have been guilty of having a perishing mentality at times in my life. Help me take my pain to your throne and not attempt to escape it. I want you to replace that attitude with a “joyful” mentality. I want to have a joyful spirit that rejoices in the fact that I have eternal life and fellowship with you, regardless of my current circumstances. Though this life is full of trials and problems, I want to maintain a joyful attitude because you are not going to leave or forsake me regardless of my sin. Remind me of your good promises to me and to my family, Lord, and help me to keep your commandments in my everyday walk. Amen.
Proverbs 31 is a passage of Scripture familiar to Christians because it is often used to teach the character of a godly wife. What many Christians do not realize is that verses 4 through 7 of that Proverb teach some powerful truths about the purpose and power of alcohol and drugs. Let’s look at this text and see what dwells in the heart of someone who is addicted. Proverbs 31:4-5 states: “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to take strong drink, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.” These two verses are straightforward warnings to those in leadership positions, such as rulers and kings, to abstain from taking even the first drink of strong, intoxicating substances. The reason is clearly stated that drinking alcohol makes one “forget” to do what is right. Does the law change? No. What changes? The leader changes as he becomes someone who is not thinking of others but is primarily concerned with pleasing himself. The leader’s judgment becomes cloudy and he is not concerned with doing what is right in the sight of God as evidenced by the statement that he “perverts the rights of all the afflicted.” He ceases to be a loving servant of God and of the people he oversees. Now, apply this biblical principle of abstaining from alcohol and drugs to your situation: When you drink alcohol, do you make decisions that are righteous or self-righteous? When you drink alcohol, do you think of those you have been given the responsibility to oversee? For example, the husband who goes to the bar after work on Friday nights has been given the responsibility to love his wife in a sacrificial and giving way. If she is waiting for him at home, wondering where he is, and worried about whether or not he is safe, is he being a responsible, loving husband? No, this husband is being unloving, self-centered, and neglectful of his responsibility to love his wife. He has conveniently “forgotten,” as the proverb says, what is right and is doing what he wants to do with no regard for his wife. Drinking excessively and drugging are selfish behaviors regardless of how they are explained, rationalized, or justified. People drink together at parties, houses, and bars but they are not having self-less fellowship. They may be laughing, talking, and dancing but everyone at that function is primarily consumed with pleasing him or herself. After a few hours of prolonged drinking, people at the party “forget” what is right and “forget” to consider the needs of others. This passage of Scripture is talking to rulers and kings, but as you can see it can be applied to any leadership position – husbands, fathers, mothers, employers, elders, deacons, presidents, and pastors. Perishing Mentality of Despair and Hopelessness God plainly states the medicinal and primary purpose of alcohol and drugs in Proverbs 31:6-7: “Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.” God is referring to both alcohol and mood-altering drugs by using the phrase, “strong drink.” The person referred to in this proverb is “perishing.” In other words, he or she is failing in health so badly and experiencing the “bitter distress” of suffering since death seems imminent. In this circumstance, the Bible says it is appropriate for this person to ingest “strong drink.” Why? To forget his poverty and to remember his misery no more is the biblical reason. The intoxicating substance can be a beneficial medicine to the physically “perishing” person by providing much needed pain relief. Drugs and alcohol are designed by God for this purpose alone – to be a blessing to those truly perishing in their physical bodies! Proverbs 31:6-7 teaches that a central heart problem for the substance abuser is that he often has a “perishing” mentality. The common worldly label for this mentality is “stinking thinking.” Although he may not be physically dying, the addict who continues to be enslaved to his abuse of a substance believes the lie that he is “perishing.” He tells himself such things as the following: •My life is a waste. •No one loves me. •Life has been unfair to me. •God has been unfair to me. •My family would be better off if I were dead. •I would be better off dead. These are grave and serious lies as they demonstrate the suicidal and despairing thoughts the addict believes in his heart. In reality, he is perishing - mentally and spiritually. The addict believes his life is a waste and he has been ‘dealt a bad hand’ in the card game of life.94 He is discontent. He is pessimistic because he chooses to focus upon the problems that have occurred in his life rather than the blessings. He sees the glass as half-empty rather than half-full; therefore, out of his pessimism, he is “perishing” in the thoughts of his mind. His mentality is like that of a non-Christian who has no eternal hope and is resting on his deathbed. His bitterness and emotional pain is very real, but it is rooted in this “perishing” mentality that must be put-off and eliminated from his life. He continues to live for himself but is never completely satisfied so he despairs. The substance abuser is suffering in the sheer agony of the circumstances of his life. He wants pain relief from his terminal “cancer of the soul,” and he knows that alcohol and drugs temporarily relieve the emotional pain just as they do for a true cancer patient. However, the emotional pain may go away for awhile, but the circumstances remain the same and often worsen. Just as the cancer is not cured by the pain medications given to the cancer patient, the serious, spiritual (or heart) problem of the substance abuser is not cured by the drug of his or her choice. Self-Pity = Pride Self-pity is at the root of this “perishing” mentality for the substance abuser. Self-pity is the energy force that fuels the engine of this defeatist mentality. Many people do not understand that self-pity is really a manifestation of pride. It is not the typical form that pride takes. You may think of a prideful person as someone who is bold, loud, confident, arrogant, and cocky. However, self-pity is the prideful idea that “I am not getting what I deserve; I deserve better.” Pride drives a person full of self-pity because the person is overly focused upon self and has unrealistic expectations of how life should be treating him. The person full of self-pity thinks he knows better than God what he needs. He thinks God is not giving him what he deserves so he is discontent. He is overly absorbed with himself. Who is truly sovereign in a mindset like this? The sovereignty of God means that no person or thing is bigger and more powerful than God. God is at the top of the list. The Christian substance abuser’s “perishing” mentality fueled by prideful, self-righteous, and self-pitying thoughts leads to destruction. The addict begins to act, think, and talk as if he is God. The addict who thinks like this is his own god. This is the definition and epitome of idolatry! The Connection of Thoughts, Emotions, and Actions There is a strong, cyclical relationship between thoughts, emotions, and actions. Thoughts produce emotions which produce actions which produce more thoughts and emotions. It is not the other way around. You are not designed to feel emotions apart from your thinking! God created you to think first, and then to feel emotions. The system of beliefs in this country is so feelings-oriented that we tend to focus on feelings before focusing upon thoughts. This is backwards. Feelings are important, but they are not primary. Thoughts are primary since they produce feelings and emotions! Both your thoughts and emotions are internal processes in your spiritual heart. From your thinking and emotion, you act. If you act rightly, then your thoughts and emotions will be positive. For example, if you help someone by raking leaves for them, then your righteous actions will produce in you the right thoughts and emotions of joy and happiness. On the other hand, if you hurt someone by driving drunk and causing an accident, then your unrighteous actions will produce in you the unrighteous thoughts and emotions of guilt and sorrow. The cyclical process again is: the thoughts and emotions of your heart lead to your actions, which produce more thoughts and emotions. You can see how critical your mind is to the battle of addiction. Your mind is where it all begins, and that is why it is crucial that your mind be transformed by God’s truth. You must begin to think like God - meaning you must live your life under the principles found in the Holy Scriptures. Then you will experience godly feelings and exhibit godly actions, all as a result of thinking biblically.95 The Christian addict’s objective is to put-off his perishing thinking and to replace it with God’s joyful thinking. God’s way of thinking is found in biblical principles. When you begin with God’s way of thinking, it leads you to have godly emotions and actions. Therefore, the following diagram is the biblical one that is desired by all Christians: God Examines the Heart God determines what is sinful and communicates it to us in His Word. He has always levied judgments based upon heart motives, and we can see this in the extensive detailed laws given to Moses. Just look at the different consequences for murders described under various circumstances in the book of Numbers (footnote 95). Jesus, however, dramatically illustrates the holiness of heart that God requires in Matthew 5: You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. In this passage of Scripture, Jesus is teaching that sinful anger may manifest in a variety of ways but he names four of them as: •Murder •Anger in one’s heart toward his brother •Insulting words •Speaking an angry curse like, ‘You fool!’ Each of these manifestations of sinful anger has different consequences. From God’s perspective, all of these manifestations of sin are equally wrong. Sin is sin is sin. Jesus tells us, however, that different sins have different earthly consequences. Obviously, murder is an extreme example and there are extreme consequences such as receiving the death penalty for murder. However, no one on earth may ever know that you committed murder in your heart when you wished that someone who hurt you would die. But God knows. The point is that God examines the motives of mankind. The descriptions of what is sinful and what is not sinful are only found in the pages of the Bible. Hebrews 4:12 states: Indeed, the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing until it divides soul from spirit, joints from marrow; it is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. You may have heard the phrase: “You only have one thing to change: everything.” Well, the Bible says that two things must change: your thoughts and your behaviors.96 You first need to change your thoughts because your behaviors will follow your thoughts. For this reason, you must begin to think like God and as a result, act in an obedient way that pleases Him. Suppose it is time for the annual Christmas party at your job and you know that alcohol is always consumed. If you wisely decide not to attend the party this year because it is too great a temptation for you, God will be pleased with you although your co-workers may view you as a “party-pooper” or “Grinch.” If your heart’s desire is to avoid the temptation, it should not matter what people think of you. You are trying to please God first and foremost. As you grow in Christ, you may be able to attend the party in a few years, but that is not a decision you have to make right now. Escape: “Emotional Pain Relief” Avoiding pain at all costs is called the “escape” of “emotional pain relief.” Escaping to a pleasurable activity comes in many forms: alcohol, drugs, food, sex, sleep, work, vacations, shopping, television, video games, books, magazines, internet chat rooms, and sports, just to name a few! Are these things bad? No, of course, all of these things are not intrinsically bad. Again, you must analyze your heart’s motivation for why you want to escape. Do you desire to escape from perishing thoughts and feelings of despair about your life’s circumstances rather than facing them biblically? What else is motivating your strong desire for escape? The United States of America encourages a culture of escape. Because of large amounts of wealth Americans can afford to enjoy many different forms of escape and entertainment. Often, I hear Christians tell me, “You need a vacation,” meaning that I need an escape from the rigors of everyday life. The only needs people have are food, water, clothing, and shelter. A vacation is not a need but a desire. What people are saying is that it is permissible to escape from the problems of life because as this thinking goes, ‘everyone deserves a break from reality’. An “escape” to a pleasurable activity is not a new concept as you can read in Genesis 9 (Noah), and 19 (Lot). The desire to “escape” from this sinful, fallen world has existed for thousands of years. In biblical days, the author of Psalm 55 desired an “escape,” too. Psalm 55:6-7 states: “And I say, ‘Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness.’” The substance abuser uses drugs and alcohol to “escape” far away from the pressures and realities of this fallen world and to “escape” to a temporary pleasure. What Did Jesus Do? Jesus escaped from this fallen world at times, too, but we know that Jesus was without sin so He did it righteously. Christians should model Jesus when they desire to “escape.” Jesus did “escape” from the pressures of the multitudes that followed Him and from His disciples who followed Him as well.97 The purpose of Jesus’ “escape” from people is given in Scripture, namely that Jesus wanted to be with His Heavenly Father. Jesus turned to no other “escape” than spending time with His Father in heaven! Jesus did not have things that Americans value such as video games, televisions, or favorite clothing stores to turn to for an “escape.” Do you really think Jesus would have done these things for hours and hours just to “escape” from the trials of His life on earth? No. Jesus’ “escape” is the only acceptable one to God, and that is spending time in intimate fellowship with God. You can turn to God, too, because you want to cultivate your relationship with Him and because He can solve your problems according to His Will. Again, it is a matter of your heart. It is not a sin to go shopping. However, it may be a sin if your shopping is motivated by feelings of hurt, anger, or bitterness in an attempt to feel better by “escaping” from the hurt. Instead, you must put off all means of “escape” and make them secondary to the “putting on” of spending time with your Sovereign Creator. Pray and talk to the Lord. Then read the Bible so you can learn and hear what God has to say to you. You will find that God’s Word offers encouragement, proper perspective, hope, and joy for the Christian. We live in a fallen world where everyone sins by being selfish. Everyone has to deal with wanting to escape from painful circumstances or emotions caused by the hurt and rejection of a loved one. The pain of life is no different for the Christian, but what is different is the severity of your emotional pain. Perhaps you feel the hurt of rejection very deeply because of your tremendous sensitivity and tender-heart towards people. If you feel emotions at an extreme measure from a perceived rejection, it is essential that you learn to overcome these emotions by making cognitive choices that please God. In other words, you cannot be ruled by your emotions; rather, you must learn to rule your emotions. During the active physical addiction, you habitually learned to respond to pain by doing things that are pleasurable and give you a short period of escape from the painful rigors of life. What you did not expect is that these pleasurable things would eventually rule you and you would cease to have control over your drug of choice. I Corinthians 6:12 puts it this way: “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything.” Physical addiction enslaves the addict as he becomes ruled by his desire for the drug of choice due to the physiological cravings along with the habituated patterns of thinking and acting. Escape to the Word of God! Here is an illustration about the power of “putting off” and “putting on” in terms of thinking and acting. A man who smoked cigarettes for thirty years wanted to quit. Every time he tried to quit, he failed. He asked his counselor how he could ever overcome his addiction to cigarettes. Instead of recommending that he begin chewing nicotine gum or wear a nicotine patch, the counselor asked him, “Where do you keep your pack of cigarettes?” Puzzled, he responded, “In my front shirt pocket on the left-hand side.” The counselor handed him a pocket-sized Bible and said, “Replace your cigarettes with this small Bible since they are about the same size.” He agreed and went to work the next day. At break time, he walked outside to smoke, reached into his front shirt pocket, and to his surprise (temporarily) pulled out the pocket-sized Bible. He began reading, got immersed in a passage of Scripture, forgot about his craving, did not smoke a cigarette, and went back inside when the whistle blew. He did this for the next forty days (and even longer) and quit smoking. Not only did he quit smoking, but more significantly he began a new habit of reading his Bible. This man read the Bible to “escape” from the rigors and pain of everyday frustrations and problems. He avoided the pain just as he had always done before with a cigarette, but now he was addicted to the Bible which had become pleasurable for him! The heart of his addictive problem was to experience some temporary pleasure to momentarily escape from the emotional agonies of life. Now, instead of having to deal with the terrible side effects from smoking cigarettes, he was addicted to doing something that had benefit both in his present life and also in the eternal life to come. I Timothy 4:7-8 states it in this manner: Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. Genesis 25:29-34 records an interesting exchange between Jacob and Esau that can be applied to addiction: Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was exhausted. And Esau said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stew, for I am exhausted!” (Therefore his name was called Edom.) Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright now.” Esau said, “I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?” Jacob said, “Swear to me now.” So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright. There is much to learn from this passage of Scripture, but what is significant for now is that Esau sold his birthright, or his future blessing to which he was entitled, for a temporary pleasure to satisfy a temporary, natural appetite. Does this sound like substance abuse? Yes, it is the fulfillment of a “right now” desire rather than the denial of that pleasure in obedience to God and the promise of future blessing. Do not deceive yourself; living to please self is short-sighted, temporarily pleasurable, and empty. Living selfishly lacks purpose and fulfillment because God has designed everyone to be dependent upon Him and others. Who wants to live for a selfish sinner, even if it is yourself? You will continually hunger for more because God created us with appetites that can never be completely satisfied on earth. The addict needs to satisfy himself by continually living for the Lord Jesus Christ. The “perishing” mentality must be replaced by a proper attitude of a “joyful” mentality that is described in more detail later in the book.
Prayer of Heart Change and Application:
Dear Heavenly Father, I have been guilty of having a perishing mentality at times in my life. Help me take my pain to your throne and not attempt to escape it. I want you to replace that attitude with a “joyful” mentality. I want to have a joyful spirit that rejoices in the fact that I have eternal life and fellowship with you, regardless of my current circumstances. Though this life is full of trials and problems, I want to maintain a joyful attitude because you are not going to leave or forsake me regardless of my sin. Remind me of your good promises to me and to my family, Lord, and help me to keep your commandments in my everyday walk. Amen.