THE HEART OF ADDICTION
CHAPTER 1
A Spiritual Problem
Interestingly, the world’s approach and God’s approach to the problem of drunkenness are very similar. Both approaches agree on the categorization of the problem. Both approaches agree on the symptoms of the problem. Both approaches even agree on the fact that the root cause of the problem is “spiritual!” Though many Christian ministry workers or counselors try to marry these two approaches because of these commonalities, the two systems of thinking are diametrically opposed at the heart level. At its core, the main issue is whether “addiction” is a “disease concept” or a “sin nature” problem of idolatry and drunkenness. At this heart level, you cannot merge the world’s approach with God’s approach to addiction. Any approach that combines worldly, man-centered ideas with biblical truths is a “mixture approach” that often leads to utter confusion for all, Christians and non-Christians alike. Persons suffering from the problem of substance abuse are already confused and often desperate souls in need of real answers. The Bible provides these answers from Genesis to Revelation. In this book, I will present some of the relevant, biblical truths applied to “addiction” without “mixing in” many of the confusing ideas of mankind’s worldly wisdom. The majority of recent books written on the subject of “addiction” are “mixture approaches” that confuse Christians. Providing biblical principles for overcoming all types of addictions, especially chemical addictions, is another goal of this book. God wrote the greatest Book of all time, and He addresses this serious problem more effectively than any other book you will ever read. It is my desire that His Word of Truth will be opened to you by His power provided by the Holy Spirit because you cannot overcome your addictions and the idolatrous desires of your heart without Him. What I purposely avoid in this book is the temptation to give ten, twenty, or fifty steps to overcoming addiction. Instead, I want to point you to a healthy spiritual relationship with the unique and incredible God of the Bible. The only steps to follow for cultivating a relationship with God is to humble yourself, confess your sins and sinful nature, place your trust in Christ alone, and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you so you can live a life pleasing unto the Lord. If you desire some helpful structure for your transformation process, then I strongly encourage you to turn to Appendix K and implement those guidelines. The biblical approach to addiction offers hope and opportunity for success if you will strive to be open-minded and teachable. You may have to lay aside some of your old ideas in favor of what the Lord says in His Word regarding this issue, but He promises that it will be worth it when you do. You are encouraged to get a trusted, Christian friend who can disciple you by using this book together with the Bible so you can grow in your relationship with Christ. I pray that God will provide more insight, power, and grace to overcome your addiction in a biblical manner. A Testimony of the Power of God’s Word Several years ago, I conceived of the idea to start a residential “Bible Program” for substance abusers at the counseling center where I worked as clinical director. I was granted permission by the executive director to launch this new, pilot program. The Bible Program was planned to mirror the “mixture approach” program that had existed there for over a decade. For example, if the “mixture” program required self-help meetings; the Bible Program required interactive Bible study discussion meetings. If the “mixture” program required a group meeting on anger from a secular perspective, then the Bible Program required a group meeting on anger from a biblical perspective and so on. I wanted to demonstrate that the Bible dealt with every topic the “mixture” program addressed but with more effectiveness and power. The Bible Program was a purely biblical approach to addiction. Prior to admission, the coordinator for the entire facility would screen men to determine their appropriateness for treatment. I instructed the coordinator to give the incoming persons a choice using this statement and following question: “We have two options for you to consider: you can choose to go into our traditional, self-help program we have used to help addicts for over a decade, or you can choose to enter a newly developed, pilot program that only teaches what the Bible says about addiction, anger, depression, and the problems of life. Which program would you prefer to enter?” The incoming counselee had the opportunity to choose his program’s approach to his problems!4 Obviously, there were times that an incoming person desired more information about the Bible Program and it was provided to them. One person was told that the Bible and Bible studies were substituted for secular books and that church fellowships, services, and mentoring were substituted for secular, self-help meetings. During the brief six months that the program existed, twelve men voluntarily entered the Bible Program. I asked my friend and co-worker, Don Bowen, to be the primary counselor in the Bible Program. Don did a great job of teaching those men the Bible. I helped by teaching Bible groups and asking members of churches in the local area to help us disciple and mentor these young men. Truly, it was a team effort of united Christians from several different denominations who wanted to uplift the Lord Jesus Christ by speaking the truth of God’s Word to these men in the love of the Holy Spirit. It was easy to identify several contrasts between the two approaches existing side-by-side under the same roof. First, the Bible Program men were required to eat meals together, which fostered a sense of community unlike the other program which was “every man for himself.” Second, the men were asked to pray for each other both privately and corporately. Again, a genuine, brotherly love for one another was developed. Third, the focus of the Bible Program was not about “getting off drugs” or “staying clean and sober.” Instead, the focus was on Christ and Him alone. When the proper focus upon Christ was in place, men in the Bible Program stayed clean and sober because their sin disorder was diagnosed and treated properly. One observable difference between the two programs was that the Bible Program men kept their grounds beautiful. Both programs had cigarette smokers but you would be hard-pressed to find a cigarette butt on the Bible Program grounds whereas they were frequently found on the “mixture approach” grounds. In fact, men in the Bible Program beautified their grounds by planting flowers, mowing, and landscaping their living areas. Overall, there was an atmosphere of love, warmth, acceptance, support, and respect for their living quarters and environment that the men of the Bible Program displayed that I have not seen at any secular drug and alcohol treatment program I have ever visited. The most important difference between the two programs was evident in the quality of the changed lives of the majority of men in the Bible Program. The Lord’s amazing power working through those men inspired me to write this book. I do not pretend to know everything about the Word of God, yet I do believe that when Christians honor God’s Word, God is pleased that we are listening to Him tell us the truth about addiction and the real needs of our human hearts. You deserve real answers that are only found in the Word of God. Do not sell yourself short by believing the lies of Satan and worldly wisdom that merely want you to “stay clean and sober” while on this earth with no hope for eternal life. God wants you to have a higher goal of worshiping Him alone because when you succeed in that goal, you will receive both heaven and earth. A Spiritual Answer Substance abuse and addiction5 manifest as a physical problem but the root issues are in the spiritual realm of one’s own heart. Even many unbelievers and secular programs treat addiction as a “spiritual” problem of the heart though their “spiritual” approach is often not Christian or based upon a biblical foundation. Unbelievers view addiction as a “disease” that attacks addicts, who need a “higher power” because they are “powerless” to overcome it. They are free to choose their “higher power”, but who really is the “higher power”? It is the person doing the choosing of his “god.” Does that “higher power” really have more power than the person choosing it to be a “higher power”? This may be a “spiritual” approach, but is it Christian? Is it biblical? Is it safe for Christians to turn to any “spiritual” approach for help? What “spirits” are Christians turning to in this type of “mixture approach”? It may agree with the Bible in some ways but strongly oppose the Bible on other, foundational points. These are strong questions that every believer must contemplate with an open mind to the God of the Bible. Thankfully, the deep, spiritual problem of the heart is sufficiently addressed by the Bible. The terms for this problem of the heart may be different than what you usually hear, since the Bible labels this problem as “idolatry” and “drunkenness.” In the following pages, the terms “substance abuse” and “substance abuser” are utilized at times as well as the words “addict” and “addiction” because this is the terminology that most people understand. However, as a Christian who possesses a new heart and new identity in Christ, understand that “addiction” is a physical symptom of a deeper, spiritual problem of the attitudes of the heart generally called “idolatry” in the Bible. Specific to substance abuse, the Bible labels the effects of “addiction” as “drunkenness.” A Worship Disorder Some people understand the word “worship” to be limited to something that can only occur at church during a church service. However, nothing could be further from the truth. “Worship” is “reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power”6 and any thought, word, and act is worship. For example, if you work as an accountant and you do your best work unto the glory of God, then your daily work involves acts of worship. This definition of “worship” is understood in the Bible as I Corinthians 10:31 states: “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” “Idolatry” is defined as “the worship of a physical object as a god or immoderate attachment or devotion to something.”7 It is “immoderate”; meaning it leads to extreme thinking and behaving. It is an “attachment” to a “physical object” for the purpose of “worship.” For the Christian, it is a sin to worship a physical object. It is also a sin to worship self. Christians are designed by their Creator to worship Him. All human beings worship. Everyone worships either a physical object, themselves as “god,” a false religion’s god, or the one true God: the Lord Jesus Christ. The word “idolatry” can be applied to any pleasure that becomes so excessively desired that it replaces the desire to worship God. This may include drugs, alcohol, sex, food, gambling, sleep, television, internet, exercise, sports, and video games, just to name a few! II Timothy 3:4 identifies persons who desire an idolatrous pleasure more than they desire to honor God as “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” Loving pleasure may include avoiding pain; the two ideas are different sides of the same coin. Both the love of pleasure and the avoidance of pain (or escape) fuel any “addiction.” The idolatry of drunkenness, substance abuse, and addiction is not a new problem to the Lord. This book will specifically address the sins related to substance abuse and a physical addiction to drugs and alcohol. However, the biblical principles for overcoming a substance abuse problem also apply to the various idolatrous pleasures listed above, since those pleasures can be experienced excessively, can cause one to neglect his or her responsibilities, and can lead to devastating problems and consequences. Defining the “Heart” The English language has a literal and figurative meaning of the word “heart.” Literally, the heart is the physical organ that pumps blood throughout your body to all of your extremities. We would all agree that the heart is an essential component in the physical body. Figuratively, the heart is the spiritual, innermost part of a human being. The Greek word the Bible often uses for “heart” is “kardia”, figuratively defined as “the soul or mind, as it is the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, endeavors.”8 The Bible teaches that the spiritual heart of a person is the essence of that person and will live forever in eternity.9 When I mention your “heart” in this book, I mean your inner, spiritual person consisting of your mind, spirit, and soul. You are a wonderful mixture of a physical body and a spiritual body. While your physical body consists of many intricate parts such as your brain, spinal cord and nervous system, your spiritual body has intricate “parts,” too as mentioned above: “thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, and endeavors.”10 Your mind, will, and emotions are contained in your spiritual person. My desire is to deal with your spiritual person in this book. There is an interaction of the physical person and spiritual person; however, the “will, soul, attitude, and thoughts (or mind)” are all terms that are distinctly spiritual. It is your spiritual heart that matters most to God. I Samuel 13:14 describes David as “a man after” God’s own heart when it says: “The Lord has sought out a man after his own heart.” The Lord must perform spiritual heart surgery for every one of us so that our hearts of selfishness become transformed by the Holy Spirit to become hearts that seek and serve God. Psalm 119:36 asks of the Lord: “Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!” Keeping It Simple Throughout this book, simply keep in mind that there are two paths for us to travel in life. The first path is to follow the flesh and its desires to seek pleasure and avoid pain. In other words, one who walks down this road is living to please self. Theologians would call this type of lifestyle “idolatry” and the “worship of self.” The second path is to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. One who travels down this road is living to please the Lord. Theologians would call this type of lifestyle “Christianity” and a proper understanding of “worship.” If you will remember these two paths throughout the book, you will have greater insight and enhanced understanding of the content. Try not to make things more complicated than they already are! God’s wisdom is both simple and profound at the same time. Only God can truly manage that feat successfully. It may surprise you that God has given His people the answers for addiction in the Bible. The Christian substance abuser and addict can find tremendous hope and practical advice in the Word of God. It is my desire that this book will help point the way to God’s Way.
Prayer of Heart Change and Application:
Dear Heavenly Father, I have been confused about addiction. It is a confusing subject. Therefore, I need your wisdom to answer my questions. Help me to believe you when I read your Word, knowing that you alone can be trusted. I cannot even trust myself in what I already think about addiction because I have not searched your Word diligently to find out the truth about idolatry and addiction. Father, as I read this book, teach me not only what you say about addiction, but teach me to identify my heart’s motives when I excessively use alcohol or drugs. Help me not to seek pleasure but to seek to glorify you first in all I do. Transform my heart by making me more like Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through your Word of Truth. Oh God, enable me to become what you intended me to be. Forgive me for living independently of you. Let my actions match these words of repentance. Create in me a clean heart that wants to do what you want first and wants to know you more deeply. I need You, Lord, to guide me, teach me, and reveal yourself to me. Open my eyes so that I may see you when I read the Bible and go to church. Thank you for being patient, kind, and loving to me when I have been impatient, unkind, and unloving to you. Amen.
Interestingly, the world’s approach and God’s approach to the problem of drunkenness are very similar. Both approaches agree on the categorization of the problem. Both approaches agree on the symptoms of the problem. Both approaches even agree on the fact that the root cause of the problem is “spiritual!” Though many Christian ministry workers or counselors try to marry these two approaches because of these commonalities, the two systems of thinking are diametrically opposed at the heart level. At its core, the main issue is whether “addiction” is a “disease concept” or a “sin nature” problem of idolatry and drunkenness. At this heart level, you cannot merge the world’s approach with God’s approach to addiction. Any approach that combines worldly, man-centered ideas with biblical truths is a “mixture approach” that often leads to utter confusion for all, Christians and non-Christians alike. Persons suffering from the problem of substance abuse are already confused and often desperate souls in need of real answers. The Bible provides these answers from Genesis to Revelation. In this book, I will present some of the relevant, biblical truths applied to “addiction” without “mixing in” many of the confusing ideas of mankind’s worldly wisdom. The majority of recent books written on the subject of “addiction” are “mixture approaches” that confuse Christians. Providing biblical principles for overcoming all types of addictions, especially chemical addictions, is another goal of this book. God wrote the greatest Book of all time, and He addresses this serious problem more effectively than any other book you will ever read. It is my desire that His Word of Truth will be opened to you by His power provided by the Holy Spirit because you cannot overcome your addictions and the idolatrous desires of your heart without Him. What I purposely avoid in this book is the temptation to give ten, twenty, or fifty steps to overcoming addiction. Instead, I want to point you to a healthy spiritual relationship with the unique and incredible God of the Bible. The only steps to follow for cultivating a relationship with God is to humble yourself, confess your sins and sinful nature, place your trust in Christ alone, and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you so you can live a life pleasing unto the Lord. If you desire some helpful structure for your transformation process, then I strongly encourage you to turn to Appendix K and implement those guidelines. The biblical approach to addiction offers hope and opportunity for success if you will strive to be open-minded and teachable. You may have to lay aside some of your old ideas in favor of what the Lord says in His Word regarding this issue, but He promises that it will be worth it when you do. You are encouraged to get a trusted, Christian friend who can disciple you by using this book together with the Bible so you can grow in your relationship with Christ. I pray that God will provide more insight, power, and grace to overcome your addiction in a biblical manner. A Testimony of the Power of God’s Word Several years ago, I conceived of the idea to start a residential “Bible Program” for substance abusers at the counseling center where I worked as clinical director. I was granted permission by the executive director to launch this new, pilot program. The Bible Program was planned to mirror the “mixture approach” program that had existed there for over a decade. For example, if the “mixture” program required self-help meetings; the Bible Program required interactive Bible study discussion meetings. If the “mixture” program required a group meeting on anger from a secular perspective, then the Bible Program required a group meeting on anger from a biblical perspective and so on. I wanted to demonstrate that the Bible dealt with every topic the “mixture” program addressed but with more effectiveness and power. The Bible Program was a purely biblical approach to addiction. Prior to admission, the coordinator for the entire facility would screen men to determine their appropriateness for treatment. I instructed the coordinator to give the incoming persons a choice using this statement and following question: “We have two options for you to consider: you can choose to go into our traditional, self-help program we have used to help addicts for over a decade, or you can choose to enter a newly developed, pilot program that only teaches what the Bible says about addiction, anger, depression, and the problems of life. Which program would you prefer to enter?” The incoming counselee had the opportunity to choose his program’s approach to his problems!4 Obviously, there were times that an incoming person desired more information about the Bible Program and it was provided to them. One person was told that the Bible and Bible studies were substituted for secular books and that church fellowships, services, and mentoring were substituted for secular, self-help meetings. During the brief six months that the program existed, twelve men voluntarily entered the Bible Program. I asked my friend and co-worker, Don Bowen, to be the primary counselor in the Bible Program. Don did a great job of teaching those men the Bible. I helped by teaching Bible groups and asking members of churches in the local area to help us disciple and mentor these young men. Truly, it was a team effort of united Christians from several different denominations who wanted to uplift the Lord Jesus Christ by speaking the truth of God’s Word to these men in the love of the Holy Spirit. It was easy to identify several contrasts between the two approaches existing side-by-side under the same roof. First, the Bible Program men were required to eat meals together, which fostered a sense of community unlike the other program which was “every man for himself.” Second, the men were asked to pray for each other both privately and corporately. Again, a genuine, brotherly love for one another was developed. Third, the focus of the Bible Program was not about “getting off drugs” or “staying clean and sober.” Instead, the focus was on Christ and Him alone. When the proper focus upon Christ was in place, men in the Bible Program stayed clean and sober because their sin disorder was diagnosed and treated properly. One observable difference between the two programs was that the Bible Program men kept their grounds beautiful. Both programs had cigarette smokers but you would be hard-pressed to find a cigarette butt on the Bible Program grounds whereas they were frequently found on the “mixture approach” grounds. In fact, men in the Bible Program beautified their grounds by planting flowers, mowing, and landscaping their living areas. Overall, there was an atmosphere of love, warmth, acceptance, support, and respect for their living quarters and environment that the men of the Bible Program displayed that I have not seen at any secular drug and alcohol treatment program I have ever visited. The most important difference between the two programs was evident in the quality of the changed lives of the majority of men in the Bible Program. The Lord’s amazing power working through those men inspired me to write this book. I do not pretend to know everything about the Word of God, yet I do believe that when Christians honor God’s Word, God is pleased that we are listening to Him tell us the truth about addiction and the real needs of our human hearts. You deserve real answers that are only found in the Word of God. Do not sell yourself short by believing the lies of Satan and worldly wisdom that merely want you to “stay clean and sober” while on this earth with no hope for eternal life. God wants you to have a higher goal of worshiping Him alone because when you succeed in that goal, you will receive both heaven and earth. A Spiritual Answer Substance abuse and addiction5 manifest as a physical problem but the root issues are in the spiritual realm of one’s own heart. Even many unbelievers and secular programs treat addiction as a “spiritual” problem of the heart though their “spiritual” approach is often not Christian or based upon a biblical foundation. Unbelievers view addiction as a “disease” that attacks addicts, who need a “higher power” because they are “powerless” to overcome it. They are free to choose their “higher power”, but who really is the “higher power”? It is the person doing the choosing of his “god.” Does that “higher power” really have more power than the person choosing it to be a “higher power”? This may be a “spiritual” approach, but is it Christian? Is it biblical? Is it safe for Christians to turn to any “spiritual” approach for help? What “spirits” are Christians turning to in this type of “mixture approach”? It may agree with the Bible in some ways but strongly oppose the Bible on other, foundational points. These are strong questions that every believer must contemplate with an open mind to the God of the Bible. Thankfully, the deep, spiritual problem of the heart is sufficiently addressed by the Bible. The terms for this problem of the heart may be different than what you usually hear, since the Bible labels this problem as “idolatry” and “drunkenness.” In the following pages, the terms “substance abuse” and “substance abuser” are utilized at times as well as the words “addict” and “addiction” because this is the terminology that most people understand. However, as a Christian who possesses a new heart and new identity in Christ, understand that “addiction” is a physical symptom of a deeper, spiritual problem of the attitudes of the heart generally called “idolatry” in the Bible. Specific to substance abuse, the Bible labels the effects of “addiction” as “drunkenness.” A Worship Disorder Some people understand the word “worship” to be limited to something that can only occur at church during a church service. However, nothing could be further from the truth. “Worship” is “reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power”6 and any thought, word, and act is worship. For example, if you work as an accountant and you do your best work unto the glory of God, then your daily work involves acts of worship. This definition of “worship” is understood in the Bible as I Corinthians 10:31 states: “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” “Idolatry” is defined as “the worship of a physical object as a god or immoderate attachment or devotion to something.”7 It is “immoderate”; meaning it leads to extreme thinking and behaving. It is an “attachment” to a “physical object” for the purpose of “worship.” For the Christian, it is a sin to worship a physical object. It is also a sin to worship self. Christians are designed by their Creator to worship Him. All human beings worship. Everyone worships either a physical object, themselves as “god,” a false religion’s god, or the one true God: the Lord Jesus Christ. The word “idolatry” can be applied to any pleasure that becomes so excessively desired that it replaces the desire to worship God. This may include drugs, alcohol, sex, food, gambling, sleep, television, internet, exercise, sports, and video games, just to name a few! II Timothy 3:4 identifies persons who desire an idolatrous pleasure more than they desire to honor God as “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” Loving pleasure may include avoiding pain; the two ideas are different sides of the same coin. Both the love of pleasure and the avoidance of pain (or escape) fuel any “addiction.” The idolatry of drunkenness, substance abuse, and addiction is not a new problem to the Lord. This book will specifically address the sins related to substance abuse and a physical addiction to drugs and alcohol. However, the biblical principles for overcoming a substance abuse problem also apply to the various idolatrous pleasures listed above, since those pleasures can be experienced excessively, can cause one to neglect his or her responsibilities, and can lead to devastating problems and consequences. Defining the “Heart” The English language has a literal and figurative meaning of the word “heart.” Literally, the heart is the physical organ that pumps blood throughout your body to all of your extremities. We would all agree that the heart is an essential component in the physical body. Figuratively, the heart is the spiritual, innermost part of a human being. The Greek word the Bible often uses for “heart” is “kardia”, figuratively defined as “the soul or mind, as it is the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, endeavors.”8 The Bible teaches that the spiritual heart of a person is the essence of that person and will live forever in eternity.9 When I mention your “heart” in this book, I mean your inner, spiritual person consisting of your mind, spirit, and soul. You are a wonderful mixture of a physical body and a spiritual body. While your physical body consists of many intricate parts such as your brain, spinal cord and nervous system, your spiritual body has intricate “parts,” too as mentioned above: “thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, and endeavors.”10 Your mind, will, and emotions are contained in your spiritual person. My desire is to deal with your spiritual person in this book. There is an interaction of the physical person and spiritual person; however, the “will, soul, attitude, and thoughts (or mind)” are all terms that are distinctly spiritual. It is your spiritual heart that matters most to God. I Samuel 13:14 describes David as “a man after” God’s own heart when it says: “The Lord has sought out a man after his own heart.” The Lord must perform spiritual heart surgery for every one of us so that our hearts of selfishness become transformed by the Holy Spirit to become hearts that seek and serve God. Psalm 119:36 asks of the Lord: “Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!” Keeping It Simple Throughout this book, simply keep in mind that there are two paths for us to travel in life. The first path is to follow the flesh and its desires to seek pleasure and avoid pain. In other words, one who walks down this road is living to please self. Theologians would call this type of lifestyle “idolatry” and the “worship of self.” The second path is to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. One who travels down this road is living to please the Lord. Theologians would call this type of lifestyle “Christianity” and a proper understanding of “worship.” If you will remember these two paths throughout the book, you will have greater insight and enhanced understanding of the content. Try not to make things more complicated than they already are! God’s wisdom is both simple and profound at the same time. Only God can truly manage that feat successfully. It may surprise you that God has given His people the answers for addiction in the Bible. The Christian substance abuser and addict can find tremendous hope and practical advice in the Word of God. It is my desire that this book will help point the way to God’s Way.
Prayer of Heart Change and Application:
Dear Heavenly Father, I have been confused about addiction. It is a confusing subject. Therefore, I need your wisdom to answer my questions. Help me to believe you when I read your Word, knowing that you alone can be trusted. I cannot even trust myself in what I already think about addiction because I have not searched your Word diligently to find out the truth about idolatry and addiction. Father, as I read this book, teach me not only what you say about addiction, but teach me to identify my heart’s motives when I excessively use alcohol or drugs. Help me not to seek pleasure but to seek to glorify you first in all I do. Transform my heart by making me more like Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through your Word of Truth. Oh God, enable me to become what you intended me to be. Forgive me for living independently of you. Let my actions match these words of repentance. Create in me a clean heart that wants to do what you want first and wants to know you more deeply. I need You, Lord, to guide me, teach me, and reveal yourself to me. Open my eyes so that I may see you when I read the Bible and go to church. Thank you for being patient, kind, and loving to me when I have been impatient, unkind, and unloving to you. Amen.