Breaking The Chains Of Addiction

Attitudes That Keep You Prisoner

Control-Manipulation


What does the Bible teach us about control and manipulation?
To understand the spirit of control and manipulation as epitomized by Jezebel, we must understand the genesis of her personality in the Bible. The first mention of Jezebel is in 1 Kings. She was the rebellious, manipulative wife of King Ahab. It was actually a powerful demonic spirit, operating through Queen Jezebel, which had caused over ten million Hebrews (all but seven thousand faithful souls) to bow to Baal. Jezebel caused them to forsake the covenant, destroy the sacred altars and kill the prophets (I Kings 19:14-18). This one woman was almost totally responsible for corrupting an entire nation, and this same influence has come full force against us in this present day.
Jezebel was fiercely independent and intensely ambitious for pre-eminence and control. The name "Jezebel,'' literally translated, means "without cohabitation.'' This simply means she refuses "to live together'' or "cohabit'' with anyone. In other words, she was divisive to the core.
A "Jezebel" will not dwell with anyone unless she can control and dominate the relationship. When she seems submissive or "servantlike,'' it is only for the sake of gaining some strategic advantage. From her heart, she yields to no one. Some who display this controlling, manipulative behavior are embittered against others, either through neglect or misuse of authority. This Satanic scheme can operate through women who, because of insecurity, jealousy or vanity, desire to dominate others. For example, "Jezebel's" influence is exemplified by a woman who publicly humiliates her husband with her tongue, and there after controls him by his fear of public embarrassment.

The following are some signs you are under the unhealthy control of another person:
1. The controlling person you are in close relationship with doesn't allow you to prove your point when in disagreement.
In many cases, people controlling others will not allow a conversation to go a certain way or to continue if they think they are going to lose the argument. This is because they can't bear to lose their place of power, which comes from making the other person think they are always right. Many controlling people cannot handle it if you disagree with them. At first, they may even act like they want your input. But the moment they see the conversation is not going their way, they twist things around or pick on one little thing said and go on a rabbit trail with the intent of derailing the conversation, never letting it come to a conclusion that deviates from their position.
2. The controlling person manipulates you with temper tantrums and threats.
Often, controlling people will go into fits of rage and temper tantrums when they are not having their way because they will do anything, even to the point of violence, to have their way and manipulate people into obeying them.
3. The controlling person constantly tries to make victims feel guilty or bad about the way they treat them when the opposite is really true.
Even though the controlling person may be an abuser of the one they control, they will try to make the victim think that they are the abuser so that, by using reverse psychology, they are able to fool the controlled, naïve person into thinking the abuser is really the victim. Thus, they get the victim to apologize, resulting in letting the abuser continue to abuse and control them.
4. The controlling person is always expecting more from you and is never satisfied.
Another subtle form of control is when a person gives you the impression that whatever you do for them is never good enough, that you are always falling short. This makes the victim feel indebted and obligated to continue to try harder to please, satisfy and serve the controller.
5. The controlling person is always questioning your motives.
Another not-so-obvious way to control is for the controller to continually question the motives of the person they control, so the victim is never sure of themselves and, thus, always on shaky spiritual and emotional ground. This can result in the victim actually looking up to the controller as a role model for godliness and purity, putting the controller in the driver's seat once again!
6. The controlling person is constantly putting you down.
Another form of control is when a person continually puts you down, calling you names and questioning the wisdom in the decisions you make. This can make the victim feel obligated to try harder to please the controller and trust their wisdom, so they are always letting the controller make the important decisions!
7. The controlling person is used to always having their way.
Usually in a healthy marriage or friendship, there is give and take; sometimes the husband has his way and sometimes the wife has her way. But in a controlling relationship, the controller is always jockeying to have their way. Or they will allow you to have your way in many minor things so that in all major things, they will always have the final say.
8. The controlling person walks away from their responsibilities as a way to manipulate others.
Another way controllers have their way is to actually walk away from their responsibilities at the worst possible time if they don't get their way, thus almost blackmailing a spouse, business partner or fellow minister into letting them have their way. For example, when walking away or threatening to walk away right before or in the midst of an important meeting, the victim will agree to almost any demands so as to complete the task at hand to avoid humiliation. This is a very common form of control.
9. The controlling person finds ways to impose their will in every situation.
The underlying essence of all controllers is their desire to impose their will and agenda in every situation they deem meaningful. They may have numerous different ways they do so, but the end result is always the same: Ultimately, they get their way!
10. The controlling person threatens to end the relationship.
Especially in a marriage or dating situation, a controller continually threatens divorce or to walk away from the relationship once they see that the victim will cave in! This is especially true when the controlling spouse is married to a pastor or prominent elected official who could have their career go down the tubes if their controlling spouse actually follows through and walks away, which doesn't really happen in most cases.
11. The controlling person threatens to commit suicide.
In extreme cases, a spouse, close friend or family member may threaten suicide if they deem that it will get them care or attention or enable them to have their way. In most cases, they will never kill themselves if given the real chance, but they will play on the emotional strings of the victim who loves them and will continually give in to them to stop them from seemingly ending their life.
12. The controlling person withholds physical affection.
Many times a woman in a relationship with a man will use the power of sex to manipulate and get what they want from a man. Women usually aren't as desperate for sex as men are to fall for this old-fashioned technique!
In conclusion, it is not always clear if the person controlling another person is fully aware they are doing it. In some cases, I am sure it is intentional, and in other cases, it could just be something done instinctively that they learned growing up as a survival mechanism.
If you identified the negative attitude of Manipulation And Control in your DMI today,
take some time to complete this devotional. Read each passage beginning with
(I Kings 19: 14-18). Meditate on this verse (s). Continue with the next passage until all passages are completed. It is imperative that you allow the Holy Spirit to confront us with our sinful attitudes and character flaws, and that we take responsibility for our behavior without making excuses. This requires looking honestly at the intentions of our hearts if we are to allow God to work in these areas. Ask the Lord to reveal the truth behind these attitudes. Our hearts are deceitful and we will try to hide the true reasons behind these behaviors. Be sure to write down any revelations of the Holy Spirit, especially where they come from.