Breaking The Chains Of Addiction
Attitudes That Keep You Prisoner
Being Phony-People Pleasing
People pleasing may sound like a positive trait upfront. It seems admirable to want to be kind to others and make them happy. However, seeking to please other people is different from genuinely seeking their best interest. Also, inherent in the concept of being a people pleaser is the associated idea that people pleasers do things based on the amount of favor they think it will get them from others. This type of people pleasing is not actually pleasing other people at all, because it is inherently self-pleasing. What's the distinction? People pleasing becomes unhealthy when pleasing others is more of a motivator than pleasing God. When we're working to please other people in the moment so as to gain favor to make ourselves feel good, rather than seeking their best, we are not loving others as God loves them. When we're making the reaction of other people our standard for how we evaluate ourselves, we're looking to other people as gods rather than to God, which is idolatry. This imbalance leads to unnecessary stress and is contrary to the will of God for our lives.
At the core, people pleasing is rooted in insecurity and a deep need for the approval of others. It is selfish because people pleasing is, in reality, an attempt for the "pleaser" to feel valuable. While a people pleaser may be a sensitive person who genuinely cares about making others happy, it can easily go awry when the pleaser enables another person to continue in a life of unhealth or sin, for instance, by making them feel good instead of challenging them to righteous living instead. People pleasing will also fail to fill the void in the life of the people pleaser. It is impossible to please everyone all the time; if our worth is based on how other people view us, it is an ever-changing evaluation that all too often comes up short. People pleasing is neither good for the pleaser or the people he or she is trying to please.
People pleasing behavior is an open door for unhealthy codependency to enter a relationship. People pleasing can also turn into manipulation because the pleaser is speaking or behaving in a certain way in order to get a desired result. Sometimes this behavior is rooted in being envious of others around us—they have more status, popularity, possessions, etc. than we feel that we do, so we try to compensate by getting the approval of others. This unhealthy sort of people pleasing is a version of idolatry because it values others over God (see John 12:42–43). Galatians 5:25 instructs us to keep in step with the Spirit; we cannot do this if we are trying to keep in step with others (see Matthew 6:24; Acts 5:29).
Jesus is our perfect example of how to live, because while He did good for others (Acts 10:38), He lived only to please His Father, God (John 8:29). This required Him to speak uncomfortable truths, even when faced with the anger and judgment of others (Matthew 23:15; John 18:37).
At the core, people pleasing is rooted in insecurity and a deep need for the approval of others. It is selfish because people pleasing is, in reality, an attempt for the "pleaser" to feel valuable. While a people pleaser may be a sensitive person who genuinely cares about making others happy, it can easily go awry when the pleaser enables another person to continue in a life of unhealth or sin, for instance, by making them feel good instead of challenging them to righteous living instead. People pleasing will also fail to fill the void in the life of the people pleaser. It is impossible to please everyone all the time; if our worth is based on how other people view us, it is an ever-changing evaluation that all too often comes up short. People pleasing is neither good for the pleaser or the people he or she is trying to please.
People pleasing behavior is an open door for unhealthy codependency to enter a relationship. People pleasing can also turn into manipulation because the pleaser is speaking or behaving in a certain way in order to get a desired result. Sometimes this behavior is rooted in being envious of others around us—they have more status, popularity, possessions, etc. than we feel that we do, so we try to compensate by getting the approval of others. This unhealthy sort of people pleasing is a version of idolatry because it values others over God (see John 12:42–43). Galatians 5:25 instructs us to keep in step with the Spirit; we cannot do this if we are trying to keep in step with others (see Matthew 6:24; Acts 5:29).
Jesus is our perfect example of how to live, because while He did good for others (Acts 10:38), He lived only to please His Father, God (John 8:29). This required Him to speak uncomfortable truths, even when faced with the anger and judgment of others (Matthew 23:15; John 18:37).
If you identified the negative attitude of Being Phony-People Pleasing in your DMI today, take some time to complete this devotional. Read each passage beginning with (John 12:42-43).
Meditate on this verse(s). Continue with the next passage until all passages are completed. It is imperative that you allow the Holy Spirit to confront us with our sinful attitudes and character flaws, and that we take responsibility for our behavior without making excuses. This requires looking honestly at the intentions of our hearts if we are to allow God to work in these areas. Ask the Lord to reveal the truth behind these attitudes. Our hearts are deceitful and we will try to hide the true reasons behind these behaviors. Be sure to write down any revelations of the Holy Spirit, especially where they come from.
Meditate on this verse(s). Continue with the next passage until all passages are completed. It is imperative that you allow the Holy Spirit to confront us with our sinful attitudes and character flaws, and that we take responsibility for our behavior without making excuses. This requires looking honestly at the intentions of our hearts if we are to allow God to work in these areas. Ask the Lord to reveal the truth behind these attitudes. Our hearts are deceitful and we will try to hide the true reasons behind these behaviors. Be sure to write down any revelations of the Holy Spirit, especially where they come from.