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As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

Ephesians 4:14–16

Have you ever been to the zoo and seen a wild animal behind bars in a cage? The reason they have the wild animal behind bars is because it is dangerous. Similarly, the tongue is dangerous. That is why the tongue comes caged in what we call a mouth, behind some bars we call our teeth. Yes, the tongue can be a tool for transformation and impact, but far too often it is used as a tool to tear down. We are to speak truth, but we are to speak it with a heart of love. Truth must always be balanced with love.

One of God’s greatest attributes is love. It’s part of His innate being. God is love. Yet so many of us don’t fully grasp what love means. It’s a word that is often thrown around in a nonchalant way. So, let me define love biblically. Love is the decision to compassionately, righteously, and responsibly seek the well-being of another. It is a decision, not only a feeling. The reason I say it is a decision is because it is commanded by God. A command demands obedience. Love always starts off with a decision. It is a decision to compassionately, righteously, and responsibly do or say something for the betterment of someone else. This means we are to speak the truth in such a way that the person we are speaking to knows our intention is to seek out what is best for them. We are telling them what we are telling because we want what will be good for them.

Obviously, venting would not fall in that category. Neither would gossip, insults, or insinuations. When you and I communicate, according to God’s standards on speech, we must communicate in such a way that seeks to help. We must communicate in such a way so as to make something, or someone, better. People should know how much we care for their well-being when we communicate with them. Now, that doesn’t mean to dumb down the truth, but neither does it mean we are to eradicate any concern. When you come across believers you know who are believing or living or saying something errant—who are sinning—they need to know the truth, yes. But they also need to know the reason you are telling them is because you care for them. You are seeking to keep them from the consequences of an errant way. You are not judging just to judge.

You are directing them toward God’s perspective on the matter in a manner seasoned with grace. Love does not tolerate all views. Love is not acquiescing to lies. Christians are to love all people, but we are not called to love all ideas. God makes a clear difference between the sin and the sinner. God loves the sinner. He does not love the sin. Neither does He conflate the two to be the same thing. For example, a loving parent does not accept their child’s wrong behavior, and yet they still love their child. And if they are a good parent, they treat their child with love even if they have to correct them. We are always to make a distinction between the action and the person. We are to love the immoral person. We are not to love immorality. We are to love racists. We are not to love racism. We are to love the angry person. We are not to love anger.

The problem today is that the world has attempted to shut down biblical influence in our culture by conflating the two. They are saying that to reject a sin is to make you intolerant. But we are never to be intolerant toward another person made in the image of God. Yet we are also never to deny the truth out of a desire for acceptance. We are to speak the truth in love so that people know we care about their well-being. 

Reaction:
Why is it important to speak the truth in love? Describe the two different responses someone may have to hearing hard truths spoken in love versus hard truths spoken in judgment or condemnation. What would help you better be able to express truth in love when you are talking? 

Prayer:
Jesus, create in me a heart of love so that whatever I say to anyone, it is coming from a space of love in me. I want my words to matter to others, so I want them to be seasoned with grace, peace, and love. Remind me in those times I feel passionate about a subject that what I say will best be heard if it is done in a spirit of love. In Your name I pray, amen.